When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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