mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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