Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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