So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
