I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
