One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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