we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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