I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
