all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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