New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
