The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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