Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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