I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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