It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
