It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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