my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
