the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize