yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize