who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
