you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
