Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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