i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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