You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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