ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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