I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
