yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
