Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You ate ashes out of my bong
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
