dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
