So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
