i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
