I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So vagazzling was a success
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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