i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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