I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize