there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
