Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
