1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
