I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
