i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
