Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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