Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
