Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The ass gains better be worth it
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