the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
