my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
