Someone shit on the floor
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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