you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A+ Viking dick
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
