She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
