i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
