I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
