Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
