ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
