He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
