Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
