My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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