Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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