Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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