Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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