The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
