Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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