Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
