pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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