I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
