Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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