you would pick up someone in the library
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
