i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
