Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
