Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
