ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
