Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
