You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Everclear isn't food dammit
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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