ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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