Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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