just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
