apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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