She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Green mimosas i think yes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
