So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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