he puts the penis in happiness.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize