She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
