did you get engaged???
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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