Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
