She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
