dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
