a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
