I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
