Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
