May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
