its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
