well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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