Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
