THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
