He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
two words: eviction party
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
