I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
