So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize