dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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