I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
