My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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