honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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