so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
