Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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