I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize