my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
